Sunday, 25 June 2017

Can I have a little peek?

Can I have a little peek of my future, dear God?
I can't see and I am only a little girl who are afraid of darkness and walking across room without lights. 
I just want to make sure I won't hit mom's vase and hurt my feet.
I only want to be sure there is no dad's golf stick on my way that could make me fall.
Or maybe just give me a clue, 
that there is something I can hold on to, just for me to feel safe.
I don't dare to go to the kithen alone.
I need someone because people said there is a ghost at night if I am alone.
But I could not wake mommy or daddy because I have to be a big girl.
Kitty is also sleeping somewhere, I don't even know where he is. 
I don't have anything that lights.
I don't know where dad puts the lamps.
And I also don't know where mommy puts the fridge.
But I need to go because I am so thirsty.
Should I wait till morning to see the way to the kitchen?
But why couldn't you just show me the way now? Because mommy and daddy said you always know the way.
Could you just tell me a little about it?
Or could you turn the lights on for me?
Or better, maybe you could come and go to the kicthen with me?
It's late now, I know because we have a clock that tells when dad is late for work.
And I am so thristy I can't sleep.
But I am afraid to go because I can't see anything...


Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Alpha women

These past weeks I've heard more people and girl friends using a term of 'alpha women' for describing a woman that can do everything. Apparently those who reach a higher education, excellent career, and have wonderful skills can be called 'the alpha women'. But I don't think such a term should be exist. For me that term is so silly. As a woman, should we feel that the term of alpha women is actually an insult for us?

It is an honor to be called the alpha woman, I understand. It feels like you are being called super woman. But when I think about this, the term alpha woman actually insults us more because then it means that normally women are not better than men, therefore some women who are better than men, or almost as good as men should be defined something else. Not just 'a woman', it is something more than a woman because she is very good. Because a woman is never doing something excellent in term of education, career, sports, or being independent. Therefore let's create a term 'the alpha woman' for those women who are not like what the universe expects them as a woman.

So it was a start when the universe began to separate 'alpha women' and the ordinary just 'women'. A woman is not an alpha woman, and an alpha woman is not a woman.

A good story and more women are proud to be called alpha women. I never will call myself using that silly term. I could be good at dancing to negotiating, flirting to presenting work, cooking to networking, but I am just a woman. 

Just a group of female humans whom the world often said 'Oh, I never thought those gender could do so many things wonderfully.' 

Then open your eyes, world.




Thursday, 2 February 2017

I am back!

Didn’t hear from me for a long time?

I do feel the same! But please assume that I have had a good and happy life until I don’t have time to sit in front of my laptop and touch the keyboard, because I feel that I do. But not only that, last year and this year is completely a busy time for me. I did my master degree -intensively and seriously-, submit my application for doctoral degree, and now sit in my PhD desk, having 2 monitors and 200 papers to be read and criticized.

But as I said, I am so happy.

My life is just a total blessing, I won’t stop to be grateful to Allah because of this, or if you do not believe in God, to the thing you believe to be the power of your world. I am ignoring those who do not bring positive impacts for me and coming closer to those who drag me to kindness and a great mind to make this world better and full of love as my dream. I still have a wonderful boyfriend, which many people probably won't be agree that I am with him, but he has brought kindness to my life and improve my attitude to face the hardest thing in the world: patience. His presence kept away any thought of giving up, which sometimes comes not because I am not happy with my life, but because the world is such a mess up, or just because my mind is too overloaded and overwhelmed by hundred of things. He keeps my ambition to take care as many people as I could and adds feathers to my wings which aim to protect as many human being as possible in this world. So I will keep him until the universe say otherwise.

My blessing comes like a river flow, never stop, at least this is what I thought. Therefore, I still believe that in order to receive more water, I need to give those blessings that I have to other people by protecting them, helping them, and inspire them. Everyone could have their own definition of anything and this is my definition of Karma. I am a PhD student now, that is huge, isn't it? But my point is, if I could justify the most difficult term in the world and help solving a problem of the real world, I also could define what it is that I need to do or do not need to do to make the world a livable place for me and my children. I don’t read news anymore, except those that are connected to heritage or disney princess, or a really good news. I just simply do not want to fill my heart and head with hatred and it is really useful to make space of your brain if you are reading a lot of books and have a lot of ideas about anything. I don’t share religion, political, and perception things in Facebook or my other social media anymore, because this for me is a private thing to be kept and contemplated only by myself. I do not hang out with people which do not give any lesson for me, because time is not to be wasted like that. I have an abnormal dream and a weird ambition, so it is important that people whom I spend my time the most are those who will bring me closer to that dream and ambition. Sometimes I received a lesson from people on how I should smile more if the sun is coming from behind the sky, or to be happy when it is raining because thankfully it’s a water, not a stone-size ice cube. Many people gave me something that I need in the most unbelievable and unseen ways, and those are also a lesson! Smallest lessons are sometimes the best because it is not burdening your head and do not take a lot of space in your brain, but it occupies our heart in a fantastic way!

I am a Londoners now. Means that I am living in one of the absurd cities in the world. In the morning people are cruel and pushed everyone who blocked their ways, but at slightly more afternoon they allow their selves to be late for work and help an old man getting off the double decker bus. At night sometimes I heard people with their phones shouting loudly in a language I didn’t recognize, but in weekends they are smiling and greetings a ‘good day’ to everyone they meet. Sometimes I feel so angry to get on the bus and have to listen to people’s murmurings as they are drunk, but two minutes after that, I found myself smiling so wide because those people stood up to gave up their seat for a child with a furry cat-shape hat.

Crazy London.

But I guess this what makes me love the world more. Because actually there is always something from people that I do not understand, but makes me happy and wants to give the same amount of happiness to other people. London makes me crying almost every morning as I have to run to work, but this city makes me burst in tears more by showing how all people from a lot of corners of the world gather and help each other to get on the double decker bus if necessary. I hate the London bus really, but I love them for giving me various examples of kindness and hopes. You see, this is my complicated relationship with this city.

About my career life, oh my God, I have never been happier seeing a lot of problems in front of my eyes. Yes it's true, hahaha. The more I found problems, the more I got so excited. I don't know why it happens to me but I think this is happening when people love their work so much. Difficulties will never be a burden for you. I love my life as a researcher, I love my field, and I love solving problems. So I guess when I got a huge pressure from my Professor, it feels like as well as a pressure and a bunch of excitement to play with. I never complained (at least until now) when there are more books to be read. In fact, I will be jumping with joy because I can read more and discover more problems. I really love myself when I can spot some problems in a book and my recent hobby when reading literature is to argue their statements. It seems weird I know, but when you reading some sentences and you can say when they did manipulated facts, you feel like you just save the world (or knowledge).  

I have to stop writing here, need to back to work. So, I don’t promise I will write more in my blog because my research need more of my attention by now, but I promise I will share stories, especially a strange and weird story whenever its possible. I promise to keep answering all emails that come to my inbox and responds to all questions which go to my phones. I will use English more now- allow me please- because there will be a chance that my friends who don't understand Indonesian language will feel discriminated if I don't.

I am in a happy condition writing this blog, and I hope you are too, whenever and wherever you are. I hope your days are wonderful and you love what you are doing now. Plus, I really hope you feel so blessed of your life.


Love,
Diana

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Goals



I know that one day, those who put me down will regret it. They will look for me but I will not be available anymore for them. 

If you ignored the seed, don't ever try to beg for the flowers.



- evening contemplation




Sunday, 20 March 2016

It is Spring.

Yes, today is the first day. I didn't know until many friends of mine said that today should be the beginning of the warmer days. Reading that makes me happy, you know. I am so pleased with the fact that I will start to meet my best friend, the sunshine, more regularly after today. I can speak out my sorrow and throw my anger when I meet him. I will feel happier and cry less, no matter how hard problems I have to face or people I have to deal with. 

Well, this is a good timing because I need as many help I can get to get through my messy things recently. It will not be like Summer when I speak to the Sun all the time and tell him my summer love story with a boy I admire. I know the Sun will come less often and my story will not be as beautiful as that time, but at least I have it. I can speak about my whole stories of that day, or complaining how difficult people trying to understand me or me trying to understand people. I know he won't be mind. 

Welcome again, Spring. I do cry today, realize that some things become harder and my hands hurt more holding onto things. But you are so kind to me, bringing the Sun closer and send flowers to bloom so I feel less pain and smile more. Tell the Sun I will need him all day when I come there to empty my sadness and grieving bin. 

Thank you for coming, really. With you I can believe that it must come spring after the hard winter time. Although yes, this winter is so hard.


See you soon.

 

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Thursday, 28 January 2016

York, not only a pretty face

Founded by the Romans in 71 AD, this city has not only a pretty townscape, but also an enchanting history which will amaze everyone who visits. If you are planning to go to this city, put in your mind that this city was an important place for Roman's era as well as an important hub for the railway network in Britain.

Well, here are some of the pictures we took when we visited this city in December. We like the city because it is pretty, but more than that, wonderful stories and history about this city shaped our knowledge and place it among cities that we could learn from.


















Tuesday, 17 November 2015

I am graduated!

Yes, I am!

This is one of some moments in my life that I am so proud of myself and want the world knows how proud I am with what I have done. Taking a master degree for some people will be just another stuff, but for me it was a long time ago decision that I had made when nobody was even sure about their next 3 months to do lists. Yes I know that because I have planned this since the very first day I have my freshman induction in my university back to Indonesia. I knew I will be taking a master degree one day to become a heritage manager.

And now I will have my degree congregation in two weeks. I got a Merit award, not a Distinction that I wished I could get. I was not happy that day when I realized it is impossible for me to get a distinction, but when I remember that my goal is to get the knowledge instead of awards, I was eventually okay. I've got a lot of things and I am so grateful about that. I know I still do not have enough knowledge to solve all possible problems but I am getting there, as I have hoped. And I am so proud of myself because of these.

Hopefully, the next step I want to do is getting my PhD degree. PhD means that you need to find something that is never exist in this world and give it to the current knowledge as your contribution. You can get your degree by only doing so, and as far as I know, it is super serious. Some people warn me already about depression, stress, and an awful life during a PhD stage and I don't say that I can handle it. I am even not sure that I can survive it and come out safely, but I am willing to give it a try. People say this is not a joke, well I am not joking by making a decision to go with PhD. I have prepared it since the very first day I attended my induction lecture in Birmingham University as a master student.

I am preparing to be ready, and hoping to be so.

Thank you to all of you who support me unconditionally, you are part of my success!

Friday, 16 October 2015

Two years from now

You will see definitely:

- Half of plans you have arranged, the other half is a gift from God (if you believe in it) or the universe for your determination.
- A bunch of love from your parents, wherever they are.
- Your failures, but it will be okay.
- New friends, including new best friends who will support you unconditionally in every bad or good conditions of yours.
- Your new goals, because you are growing up.
- Foes or Rivals, including those who used to be your close friends.


But, I am sure you know that change is something inevitable. Therefore, you need to have a big heart to let something you thought will not change, do change.

- Including yourselves. Your determination, your character, your personality. Do not say you are the same as you were in the past two years, certainly not. You are responsible of your choice (consciously or not) to be changed.
- Your relationship. No, it won't be the same. It is becoming better, or worse. Indeed, because you (or/and your partners) are changed.
- Your dreams, because you now understand things you don't understand before.
- Your priority. You change yourself means, more or less, you change your priority.
- And people of the world in general, as well as the world itself.


I know you probably are aware of these things at the moment. But really, who want to expect something bad comes as the change? I don't. You may not want it too.

But it could be happened, right? Then what should we do when we think a bad change comes to our way?

Respond it. Change yourself.
Change the way you think it is a bad change.
It may come to your way in a purpose, which you have not understood yet.
Or it comes for your own good, which you have not understood yet too.